"is it alive? is it sentient? does it know we are sentient?"

i'm not convinced that rocks and mountains aren't 'alive'

just on a very different time scale than us



i was fascinated with forests when i was little

we lived in Alaska

and as we drove past them i would always say - 

"ooooh - the deep woods!"

they are alive

i still feel that way

i mean with a consciousness



i really love animistic cultures

Japanese Shintoism has it, deep down

it's there in Iceland and Ireland, beneath the Christian imperial

Nature is bigger than us! we live in/on/because of it!



there was something about the trees being a place where you could leave and pick up

communications - in eastern Europe



there's a tree off the highway in the middle of nowhere in Nevada

between here and Boise

it's covered in shoes

hanging



it's weird, these depressing articles about environmental decline don't actually depress me

the current misery and human suffering are worse

although i do feel bad for the fish and birds and turtles that live and die by this plastic



yet the juggernaut keeps rolling

i guess the world has already started ending

or the human ascendancy anyway

and with the mess we've been making of it for the past 10000s years

i can't feel too bad about that



i had a moment walking up the stairs to the apartment this morning

of feeling very keenly how weird it is to be alive!

like

having this particular consciousness tied to this body

so ... random

the limitations of my experience, my perspective



i can see why people want it to repeat - to make some sense of it



the peculiarities and how attached i get to them

but the whole question of why

isn't it a 2-year-old's question?

there is no why

it just is

why do we need why?

or at least an Ultimate Why



that sounds like an Enlightenment problem

the rationalising of the world

whereby we start to worship explanations, including science

but maybe we didn't always need that

maybe we can therefore move past it



it can lead to the illusion of control



i think it props up a certain kind of individualism

which is no longer serving us



a very addictive illusion

but how can we usurp it?



i honestly think that improvising

if it's good



not like i want to go chop off my limbs to prove that my boundaries are constructed and not real



improvising and site-specific work can do it

that's what i typed

if it's good

and maybe this is the ultimate goal?

to feel something other than just ourselves

you know?

feel us

feel those trees over there or something

that train track



i guess it can be scary, fuzzy boundaries

where am i, where are you? what if i get lost?



i always feel much healthier mentally

and like i can handle whatever comes along



i once had a vision

of how it is to be an earthworm

it was very comfy

it was still me, but in the form of an earthworm

underground

warm



our chat should be a manifesto

don't erase it

"how it is to be me as an earthworm"



that's a good title of something



we could call it that, yes

but it would include our thoughts on how we've outgrown rationalisation

and being anthropocentric

etc.

and the way out

the way out is to feel yourself to be an earthworm

and play from there



musical practice as meditative practice

except that sentence already sounds too cliched



yeah keep meditating out of it

and keep "one" out of it

one as in "we are all one"

as in unified



no boundaries?



The Force



because it's not about having no boundaries

just permeable ones



hippies and Star Wars <sigh>

yes and

i think it's an exit strategy



people mean well



to the current situation

the current impossible world situation

they do, yes

i think we should always suspect people of doing their best until they prove that wrong



right, where people seem to think that shooting other people

and having more money will help

help what?

stave off death?



and blame the system of thought - the system of economy - the system of politics

well

they are only seeing themselves

like ultimate, Self as Ultimate



but death is just the end of this particular consciousness, this perspective



i feel that we should have some nice sine waves going in the background now



my fridge is doing a good job of that right now



yes and we aim to make Self the Provisional

or something



Make the Self Provisional!



yeah i have the radio coming through the headphones and a fly and a seagull in the distance

Making the Self Provisional

see - why can't THAT be my thesis?



the funny thing is that

i think many "oppressed peoples" already have this capability

it's the dominators that seem to have/need these strict boundaries



i blame testosterone and male socialisation



i blame Sir Francis Drake and other such explorers

discover and conquer! for the queen!



i would like to be a quiet voice



i'm fine being local in my influence

local and etherial

the butterfly wing thing



i know - it's fun

it feels very

energetic

i feel i am glowing or something